The seconds headed north towards the Golden Valley that lay beyond the shire between Ciren and Stroud, to the only patch of land not to be found on a perilous 45 degree gradient. The streets of Chalford were swarming with hundreds of revellers, picnic hampers and deckchairs in hands, all heading in the direction of the Chalford Sports and Social Club. Players arriving at the ground were ushered to specially reserved places in an already packed car park. It seemed clear that our match was of considerable significance to the local community. To mark our arrival, six Tornadoes tore through the skies over the field of play. Unlike the Red Arrows, who had flown past us the week before, these planes could not be heard. The reason? The same reason why the hundreds of people were not at the ground at all. It was Chalfest time and sirens blazed whilst an eclectic mixture of songs boomed through throbbing speakers in a neighbouring field.

So it was that George Whatley and Fred Bennett strode out to the sounds of I’m a Believer. Chalford’s stocky, if slightly rotund, opening bowler, suffered the indignity of running in to bowl to the sounds of the Toy Dolls’ rousing version of Nellie the Elephant. After 15 overs, the home side were melancholy, joining Freddie Mercury as he ‘Sometimes wished [he’d] never been born at all.’ By this time, Bennett and Whatley had put on 80 for the first wicket. Bennett was eventually bowled and the batting - like the music - began to deteriorate. Whilst a local post-punk outfit sang their most celebrated anthem “I like Stroud, it is good, I like Stroud, the neighbourhood,” Nick Hunt came and went. Paul Cleary played the most grotesque of swipes, missing the ball with a hideous swish of the bat and was trapped leg before wicket. Tony Green, whose efficiency on the scoreboard earlier in the innings had led him to be likened to Countdown’s Rachel Riley, soon met with the same fate.

Whether or not it was the excitement of a potential batting collapse, it never became clear, but one of the home side, sporting a jumper more suited to an office Christmas sweater day than our beautiful summer game, went off the pitch clutching his stomach. The captain explained that he had a ‘dodgy tummy.’ It turned out that he had also helped make the tea. (If you are reading this on Facebook and are feeling OK, I am sure that you would have been ill by now if you were going to be.) Despite the collapse, Whatley continued to build his innings and reached a fine century. Like buses (although not in Hawkesbury, unless the first one has broken down), his centuries appear to come in twos: he followed up his maiden ton against Haresfield last week with a career-best unbeaten 116. His average is now an impressive 56.5 this season, but it needed the second’s premier batsman, Ed Riddington (averaging 78), to add some momentum to the innings as Hawkesbury ended on 197 for 5.

The Beatles were now on stage and it was to the reassuring melody of I Feel Fine that we began our fielding session. One Chalford opener was feeling even better and got the home side off to a flying start, until Adrian Fishley deceived him with a slower, straighter delivery. Excellent ground fielding by substitute fielder Stuart Bennett, who tackled the ball with remarkable alacrity, ensured that the batsmen had to work hard for every run. Spin replaced seam and it was a joy to see Bryn ‘Whispering Death’ Holding back in the fold. Andy Starling also bowled. The Bootleg Beatles signed off with Hey Jude and the tempo went up a further notch as Sophie Ellis Bexter began her set. It may have been murder on the dance floor, but Fishley wasn’t going to kill the groove; before long, he was gyrating on the boundary - big Fish, little Fish, cardboard box. Holding used his mastery of flight and bounce to completely bamboozle the batsmen and richly deserved his wicket, removing a key danger man. Starling also got a wicket, someone who was playing his first ever game of cricket. Seb, in his first match for the club, swiftly picked up a wicket as Chalford’s tail refused to wag.

Hawkesbury won by 53 runs, their fourth victory in succession. Next week they will play second-placed Stroud in a key encounter that will either give credence to or conclude their dreams of promotion.